fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
