every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
