Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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