I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She said her name was "party"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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