Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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