He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize