I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
smell my finger.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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