we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
