zippers are such a cool invention
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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