ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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