So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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