why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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