We're facebook friends in real life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
