he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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