My friends, they love my intelligence
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I color on your dick again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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