your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
