Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
