ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
