She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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