Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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