We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
