I am midnight drunk by noon
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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