hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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