Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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