"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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