i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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