Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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