the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
