More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
