Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
