Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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