Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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