I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
