my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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