Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My vagina is officially offended.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
