imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
