I'm laying in your front yard are you home
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
