I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize