pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
