I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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