I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
