Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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