Sry I called you an 8
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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