My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize