If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
