walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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