I puked a lego.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
