he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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