This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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