I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
