she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish there were birth control emojis
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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