On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
