just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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