those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize