Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
