census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
