I'm going to jail i love you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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