I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
