I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
