How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
