My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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