sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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