Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
