I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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