Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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