You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
