Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize