Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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