If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
