i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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