i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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