i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
