one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
