There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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