Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
