Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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