So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
