i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
