Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
